Haven't had to do this, either...

I was pushing up window screens and pulling down storms today, and one of the kitchen windows wouldn't shut because the sash cords were out of their tracks, necessitating unscrewing the little plates that cover the ropes and pulleys. Another trip back in time. Hey, what's with those window commercials lately? One is talking about "these windows are from the 90s, and it's like leaving one open all the time!" Do windows go bad that quickly, or were the 90s just a lousy decade for windows in America? And another one talks about their sale, and someone taking "rough measurements" of the windows. How could that be useful?

And you thought it was hard finding a parking spot now...

The world's population is forecast to hit 7 billion in 2011.

I Stole This...

EGYPTIAN IRRIGATION

During an anthropology class Harvard University, two students became very interested in how the ancient Egyptians managed to irrigate that dry country. They decided to visit Egypt to try to determine how the ancient Egyptians drew water from the Nile. They went off to Egypt where they found out that the same methods used over two thousand years ago were still in place. They began examining the pipes, ducts and sewers of Cairo. They even examined the bathroom facilities in the public buildings. When they returned, they decided to change their course of study from anthropology and become... PHARAOH FAUCET MAJORS

Digital Television

The change from analog to digital television transmission in the U.S. is due to take place on June 12th, 2009. At that time, you should also be ready to switch to digital TV dinners.

Haven't had to do this in a while...

I had to go into the basement to find a fusebox and replace a fuse. The basement here is damp and a bit hazardous. In New York, it could be an apartment.

H1N1...

You sunk my Battleship!

Please cover your mouth

When you sneeze.

It's Earth Day today

Do something on Earth. (On Monday, do something on the Moon.)

If you have a funny feeling...

that you're forgetting something at the store, buy some toilet paper.

If you can't find your favorite cup...

Try looking in the microwave.

My day took a turn for the better

When I threw an overripe banana from the kitchen table into the wastebasket across the room.

Net Lingo from the electric eels

I recently came across someone asking what "AFAIK" means on an online forum (it means "as far as I know"). I myself am always coming across odd little abbreviations and slang on the web, so I thought I would share some here. These are from the songs of the Cleveland band the electric eels:

AIIC: As if I cared
YFOS: You're full of s**t
YFOSAYKIT: You're full of s**t and you know it's true
FTGFTIDITM: From the Goddamned first thing I do in the morning
YKWTI: You know what this is

Courtesy of Veland magazine:

Deemed "too big to fail": AIG and David Thomas.

I also

got out an Elvis Presley film, "Fun In Acapulco," but when I watched it, I didn't have any fun.

I was looking

at this DVD that I borrowed from the library and saw "NAW NORI," and thought that I had inadvertently got out a Hindi disc, but I just had it upside down, and it was "Iron Man"...

Testing.

I got a note from my daughter's school saying that they will be testing for radon. In the interests of thoroughness, I think they should also test for Rodan.

Still photos

run deep.

A watched cot

never boils.

You can't spell "American"...

without "I can"! Or "Mexican," for that matter.

Economy

Already spotted: people wearing long raccoon coats, saying "23-skidoo!"