Every time I go to the library

and look at the DVDs, I see "The Good German" and "The Good Shepherd," but never "The Good German Shepherd."

Good weather

for spotting women wearing boots. I feel like Popeye Doyle...

I've been wondering

why I've been feeling weird all day, and I just remembered: Vincent Gallo is in town!

I just got a haircut

at a frog-themed barber shop.

Computer Help Available Every Day

If you need help in learning how to talk out loud while computing, whether on the phone, to a friend or stranger in person, or just to yourself, come to the Dennis G. Fedor Computer Center at Madison Public Library in Lakewood, Ohio, any day. Also available: lessons in chewing absurdly loudly and lessons in having only the vaguest understanding of personal space.

Amblyopia...

and eyeliner is not a good look.

The best movie

I've inexplicably never seen all the way through? Probably "Thunderbolt and Lightfoot." Jeff Bridges in "Thunderbolt & Lightfoot" set a bar for absurdist acting that Gary Busey subsequently limbo'd under then broke in half...Oh, and Gary Busey is in it, as is Jack "Howard Sprague" Dodson. Written by Michael Cimino, but feels as though it was plotted by Richard Stark using a deck of Oblique Strategies cards... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oblique_Strategies (I know they came later.)

Time takes a cigarette...

Been sick this week. Held it together to go into the studio on Saturday and Sunday. Time, which usually appears to me to be an orderly progression of minutes and hours, has seemed to be more like spongecake.

I kind of like

Steven Slater. He looks like Paul Lynde crossed with Race Bannon.

I feel

Claritin-clear and Zestfully clean.

"Put it on vibrate."

I kind of relate to this tune. I hope that I don't have to totally relate to it.

"Don't drink and drive"

goes without saying, but why don't people warn you not to drink and parallel park?

Upon further refraction...

sometimes I just read through things too quickly, such as this article on Corning:

"An ultra-strong glass that has been looking for a purpose since its invention in 1962 is poised to become a multibillion-dollar bonanza for Corning Inc.

The 159-year-old glass pioneer is ramping up production of what it calls Gorilla glass, expecting it to be the hot new face of touch-screen tablets and high-end TVs.

Gorilla showed early promise in the '60s, but failed to find a commercial use, so it's been biding its time in a hilltop research lab for almost a half-century."

I swear I read that as "a hillbilly research lab"...

Ambiguity

Spray-painted on some steps in my neighborhood: "I love Math," or, possibly, "I love Meth." Probably "Math," as I saw some stand-alone Math tags on my return walk.

**********************************************************************************

A friend of mine once received a hand-printed letter from the writer Randy Russell, saying that he got a job at a restaurant, but he couldn't tell whether it was a Ukrainian restaurant or a vegetarian restaurant.

When you're sick

Get plenty of writs and spill plenty of fluids...

Roll Out

the barrel, we've got the blues on the run. (Red Ball, not Red Bull.)

Roll out

those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer/ Those days of soda and pretzels and fear...

More crystal confidence

The mostly lowercase label of Tom's of Maine's crystal confidence deodorant trumpets "24 HOUR ODOR PROTECTION" on it. Great for 24-Hour Party People, I guess...

I got

a new deodorant, crystal confidence from Tom's of Maine, which, in the first place, sounds like something you ingest before listening to Eternal Tapestry. The label says "dermatologist tested," but I don't know whether that means tested by dermatologists, or tested on dermatologists...

At the Supermarket

I was looking at the dishwashing liquids, and I came to the conclusion that Palmolive is the finest one out there.

Summertime is...

hot pants and sidewalk rants.

Been reading

a number of Hard Case Crime books lately; they're fairly short and one of the local libraries has a good supply. I heartily recommend "Lemons Never Lie" by Richard Stark; I'm not quite done with it, but the guy doesn't disappoint.

Summertime is...

lemon ice and restless nights.

Summertime is...

heat rash and lemonade.

Last week

I saw a shirtless guy driving a battered work van on the freeway, looking like he didn't know what decade it was, waiting for "Run Run Run" by Jo Jo Gunne to come on the radio.

As much as I hate to admit it,

Jim Morrison was right: people are strange. The local laundromat that I go to has fifteen washing machines, ten dryers, and one laundry cart (why, I don't know; it's a small space). I only use the dryers there, because I have access to a good washing machine. Of the dryers there, only three (#s 1, 2, & 3) work really well. When I got there to dry my clothes yesterday, this guy was taking his laundry out, but one piece at a time, folding every sheet and pillowcase and setting them to the side. A little rude, because I was standing right behind him with my stuff in the laundry cart, but I admired the efficiency of it somewhat. Then he was down to one piece in # 1, which was the one I wanted anyway, so I thought "Good." And THEN he took out his phone and was either reading a text or sending one! I actually had to say out loud, "Look. I'll wait for you to fold laundry, but I will not wait for you to text! Ridiculous!" He hurried up, I put my clothes in, and left.

Last week

I dreamt that I was walking a bike along Detroit Avenue near W. 25th, and singing the song "Berlin," and when I got up to the Detroit-Superior Bridge, I was at the bridge of the song. Interesting to know that my subconscious mind makes puns, too.

I read that

Don Cheadle, America's actor, was going to produce a TV series based on the movie "Crash," but was disappointed to find out that it wasn't the Ballard/Cronenberg "Crash"...

At the Laundromat

I got a can of Dr. Pepper with a picture of Don Cheadle, America's actor, on it.

Shelved side-by-side

at the local Wal-Mart: vodka and Pop-Tarts.

Dust-Breeding

George refused to use the unusual vacuum-cleaner with the huge dust tubes.

I saw

a new DNA tribute band in my kitchen sink this morning (Little Ants).

I saw

a gold-painted cement truck today. Very suave, reminded me of Slim Gaillard...

Dishwasher-Safe

but not butterfingersedly dropping into the sink from a foot-high safe. (I no longer have to look for my favorite cup in the microwave.)

Eating a watermelon

I was eating a watermelon, and, of course, I started receiving phonecalls.
Cellphones and watermelons don't mix.

What process is at work

when you check your clothes at the laundromat and they're dry, but when you start to put them away at home, they're damp?

I saw a sign reading Target Enforcement Area...

Does that mean that they can MAKE me go to Target?

You punch

when you see a Bug, not just any VW product. And who is naming VW's models (Touareg, Routan, Tiguan) anyway? Tom Zé?

Note to Self

Don't skip down the street in Maryland...

On this day in 1956...

Videotape was first demonstrated in Chicago, which was a step in making things like this possible (click on the header)...

The Obamas

are considering various churches to attend. This week they are looking into Thomas Haden Church.

If you watch two episodes

of "Two and a Half Men" back-to-back, is that the equivalent of watching 5 men?
Click on the header to see 2 women sing about 5 men from the Motor City...

I just saw

either a Chinese drag queen* walking down the street or a very tall Chinese woman. In fact, this person would be tall for a Chinese man who wasn't named Yao.

*That was also my nickname for the China Dragon restaurant at Severance...

Question of the Day

Saw a sign at a fast food place, three different specialty burgers for a dollar each. I pulled up to order one, and the counter-person said "Would you like one for a dollar, or two for three?"

Bach is Dead...

...but "Le Bock Nouveau est arrivé." At Warehouse Beverage in South Euc, they have a skid's worth of twelve-packs of Genesee stacked up in the back, in the delightful green and yellow can.

Query

If you do a cut-up of Proust and Balzac, is that like Prozac?

Unsolicited advice

If you're driving a late-model Toyota, don't tailgate a Ford Pinto.

By the way...

I hope people haven't been checking this blog regularly, because I've been totally neglecting it. The day after my last post, my landlord sent some window guys over to take measurements, and they came in to replace them as soon as it got bitterly cold.